FEAR - It's a Big Deal

" It was his own room. There was no doubt about that.But it had undergone a surprising transformation. The wallsand ceiling were so hung with living green, that it looked aperfect grove; from every part of which, bright gleamingberries glistened. The crisp leaves of holly, mistletoe, andivy reflected back the light, as if so many little mirrors hadbeen scattered there; and such a mighty blaze went roaringup the chimney, as that dull petrification of a hearth hadnever known in Scrooge's time, or Marley's, or for many andmany a winter season gone. Heaped up on the floor, to forma kind of throne, were turkeys, geese, game, poultry, brawn,great joints of meat, sucking-pigs, long wreaths of sausages,mince-pies, plum-puddings, barrels of oysters, red-hot chestnuts,cherry-cheeked apples, juicy oranges, luscious pears,immense twelfth-cakes, and seething bowls of punch, thatmade the chamber dim with their delicious steam. In easystate upon this couch, there sat a jolly Giant, glorious tosee:, who bore a glowing torch, in shape not unlike Plenty'shorn, and held it up, high up, to shed its light on Scrooge,as he came peeping round the door.'Come in.' exclaimed the Ghost. 'Come in. and knowme better, man.'"
- A Christmas Carol, Stave 3: The Second of the Three Spirits
( Dickens’s Description of The Ghost of Christmas Present… my character!)

Hello Pals…

I am in Christian Youth Theater (CYT)’s 2007 production of Scrooge. I am the Ghost of Christmas Present, which is rather exciting. I have never had a speaking role before, so I am COMPLETELY handing this one over to God. My favorite part of CYT is the choral and musical numbers - I have a solo and a duet in Scrooge! - and now I am a part of the plot. I am used to being the chorus member #17, and this year I have been given the opportunity to do a little more. I am now running up against my flesh. The fear stops my heart: I cannot do this; I will disappoint my director who has taken a risk with me; I WILL FAIL.

I didn’t write about this in my ‘camp’ post, but God really challenged my heart while I was at camp. We had been talking about the qualities of a warrior, but also of a princess. She is graceful, just, noble, pure, confidant, courageous. Praying for courage and confidence, I started out my Saturday and by God’s grace, I was. I was ready to climb the rock wall. (NOTE: there is a 40ft rock wall that you have to scale to reach a bungee jump-like swing… only way up.) So, we strapped up, I whisper a prayer for physical strength, and begin to climb. Long story short, I failed. Four times. I could not climb the wall. Despite my AMAZING cabin member and counselor’s encouragement and belief in me,

I

failed

As I went back to my bunk to fetch something, I thought.

“Why? Why am I so upset? (NOTE: I cried.) Is it because all my friends and peers watched me fail? Am I embarrassed? I was so confidant I could climb that wall. Is it because I risked, and it was fruitless?”

Then God placed before me a choice.

YOU CAN GO AND CRY, DECIDING TO NEVER RISK AGAIN. YOU CAN CLAM BACK UP, UNDOING ALL THE GROWTH YOU HAVE UNDERGONE, BY MY GRACE. YOU CAN RETURN TO ‘NORMAL.’ OR, YOU CAN GET UP, BE DISAPPOINTED, AND YET PUSH ON. REALIZE HOW MUCH YOU NEED ME. CONTINUE TO LEAN ON ME… BOAST IN YOUR WEAKNESS, FOR THEN MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN YOU.

Wow. Did I really understand what that verse meant? 2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness‘. “ So, by God’s grace, I realized how I can solve my disappointment; I must boast in my weakness.

“…Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:9b-10